Decision

You know what I noticed ? I have never been myself because I lost myself trying to be someone else. Everybody has went through it--what is natural anymore? what is YOU ? what is Original ? what is unique ? what is unconditional ? This begs the question.. why is it better. OK never mind. I don't even know what I was talking about. ugh , I feel like I am going to do so bad in college, like laziness has taken a toll in my life ! I want to make the deans list, I want to be organized, I want to be smart, i want to have so much fun !!!!! learning and doing other stuff. Ugh , I think like that guy in the movie I am going to search for happiness. I find happiness in a certain kind of sadness... like relationships or friendships. I love the hardship that comes with such acquaintances. I don't know I also love t read , I find happiness in that but lately I have been too much on the computer.. would I ever transition to reading on paper than off a of screen in college ? What am I going to do ? What if ... too many what ifs I swear. Okay the reason why I am rambling is because it is 11:46 and its almost june 13, why did I wait so long ? WHY ? oh Hegggy I am going to miss you, darling. " Umooo , you're sooo obnoxiousssss" every single morning ! You are the only teacher , honestly, that has pushed me beyond my limits. I don't think I would ever forget that. Wow , look at you, Heggs ... You made an impact.