Matrices ( ID )

           The first time I heard the word matrix was in Bio--"extracellular matrix" which consist of proteoglycan complexes, fibrinogen, collagen, and integrins. So I always thought of a matrix as a mixture but in precalc a matrix is an array of numbers.  So maybe the same way numbers make up a matrix in calculus proteoglycans and other proteins make up the extracellular matrix in biology? Anyways, I learned that I have to do my homework to understand precalc class like if I do not get any practice then I would forget everything the next day. So I experimented with my precalc homework. Class has become considerably easier. I realized many subjects are related and it was a pleasure connecting similarities between my classes.
          Ms. Rios taught my class how to put a system of equations into row echelon forms. This was a challenging practice at first because you were limited to three rules to convert the equation into row echelon form. The most difficult part was that there wasn't a specific way to find the row echelon form, it was up to you to figure it. The exercise was gratifying because I eventually came to the right answer.

DUFF.

Designated. Ugly. Fat. Friend

                             I went to the library this weekend and picked out my usual load of books. One book in particular struck my attention because it's movie was just released. The narrator and I are very similar-- we are both 17 and have two best friends that we both love dearly. Because of this she always go to this teen club with them even though she dislikes the place. One day one of the typical hot guys in the school came up to her and basically told her he was only speaking to her so he could snag one of her girlfriends , He did not want her because she was the duff.  the designated ugly fat friend that their friends only hang out with to look better in front of other guys.

                    It made me wonder between my friends and I who was the DUFF, none of us were ugly or THAT fat so it was pretty confusing trying on the narrator's shoes. And the story took a complete turn because the duff and the leading boy became a couple at the end so maybe he didn't think she was that duff-y. It was pretty cruel of him to call her that in her face and it reminds me of how guys take advantage of females today. They would play games just to have sex. And everyone is so hung up on  looks they don't give personality a chance.  As a result , when the leading guy in the book and the narrator got together and interacted more and started to get to know each other they developed feelings. I finished the book and left with a satisfied mindset --looks are not everything, Do not try to change yourself for anyone because if you then they do not like you they like how you look.

time . time. time. time. time

There is alot of uncertantiy and restlessness happening at the same time. I want to fix everything , like literalllllllllllly fix everything mentally , emotionally ...physically . I think you guys think I am nuts but don't you ever feel like there is no break . ever ? When the hell is school going to end ? Why do I have to spend the majority of my life in school ? When I was 16 , I used to watch like adults go to work and I 'd pity them because you know they arent in highschool where everything is fun and allows room for mistake.  I Have never despised school in my life , I have been absent only once in my 11 years of  stay in America. I appreciated the art of learning not just from books but from conversations with friends , family and strangers.  In my life reading has had a big impact-- I am a mosaic of "most" of my favorite characters.  Reading was my stress reliever,  you know, that friend that turns that frown upside down.  But it is like "Time is making a fool of us" (Dumbledore said this ) and I cannot allocate a time or a place where I can just go to that happy place where i can just lose all my problems and instead face someone else's--with the understanding that there is an happy ending.

ID ( Governmennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt )

          Domo was grading the Finals and said that in the multiple choice questions I scored like a 90 or something. To be honest, I did not study for that final and I depended on my common sense to choose the best answer. Anyway in class to prepare for this final we made game boards with many questions concerning every topic we have covered in class. I think this is what saved everyone it was the a " new " and fun way to study! Some of the questions asked in our board game were on the test and it was like playing the game all over again.  So I Guess you can say the test was fun. haha. That was a joke. You know because tests arent fun. Anyways some things I learned from the board game was that to elect a president the people are voting for the electoral votes because those votes actually determine the presidency. I learned that one does not need the majority popular vote win either if you have more electoral votes then you can become president . Makes you think then what is the point of  people voting ? We studied the important docuements that served as the foundation of this great nation,  The declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and The U.S Constitution.  We learned about Enlightenment thinkers , such as John Locke , Thomas Hobbes and Volatire. it was preceisly their "thoughts" that are printed and used as guideline for every citizen  in the U.S.

CRR ( Feminism )

                    When I was in 10th or 11th grade, Jaylene wanted to make a feminist club however I turned it down because my idea of feminists back then were that they were vain and unappealing. Most of the feminists I have heard of were so dramatic-- like during the suffrage movement some women were martyrs for the cause. Their methods to achieve equality for the sexes were extreme and ineffective in recruiting sympathizers.
 My perception of them changed after reading Shakespeare's " The Taming of the Shrew"  Baptista literally sold his daughters off to their husbands. Katharina was the character that gave me an insight of the unfairness happening during her time.  She rebelled against being sanctioned off for marriage, she was outspoken when she felt she was not being treated fairly and this cost her to be labeled as a shrew.  Many of Shakespeare's characters behaved like Bianca so I inferred that most women at that time were content with a male dominating society. Turns out feminism ran deep and dated back to Shakespeares time! The last factor that cleared the negative image of feminism was Petruchio's "taming" of Katharina. His behavior was worse than hers and he acted out every chance he got. However, society did not label him a shrew or make him notorious because of his behavior like they did to Katharine. This subtle gesture highlighted the unfairness between the sexes and kind of changed my mind perception of feminists.

thoughts..

I hate work. I hate rushing. I hate hopelessness. and I hate auto correct.  and I hate ignorance. and I hate competition.  and I hate the people I surround myself with. how should I handle these issues ? how can the burden  be lifted ? what do I do ? seriously, every time I think about what the problem is I just know what it is. how do I escape. how do I handle it without hurting anyone . how can I just drop everyone without any explanation ?  I seriously seriously seriously seriously seriously sometimes hate them. why do I always find fault in others but not me ? I'd fail a class and blame the teacher's lack of flexibility and austere attitude.  instead why did I wait so long. and where the hell are my priorities ? why do I care about  fucking others I'm not even together, why do people's opinions matter ? I hate admitting that some people opinions matt-- oh then again it doesnt. it feel so good to do what i want. it feels so good. should i just do that ? I'm really taking advantage of this free write... like a virtual diary... hmm.

AP bio : Chapter exhaustion

              I have never worked hard to get really good grades or  pass tests it usually came naturally to me. I am a procrastination KING ! Work wouldn't get done unless the day before it is due. I know, I know its a bad habit. However, I don't really go outside, or hang out with friends so when I get home I have to have my fun therefore homework usually comes last. Now what does this have to do with Ap bio class? It is messing up my " fun routine" when I get home.


             Ms. Lall gives sections to read every night , and there are quizzes and tests every single         *effing week. Right now we are on chapter 9- cellular respiration; How does the cell use what we eat and convert it to energy ? ITS A COMPLICATED AND CONFUSING PROCESS THAT WOULD EXCERSICE THE HELL OUT OF YOUR BRAIN TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION. I love it though ! weird right? but it seems like what I really needed was a challenge and cellular respiration is by far my favorite chapter.


            I learned that life is work ( literally); living cells require energy to work.  Where do they get this energy ? How do cells convert potential energy from food to kinetic energy ? What is the special relationship between you and the entire ecosystem ? I thought I knew the answers, but it was only the surface.  ok it goes like this , animals eat plants or obtain energy by eating animals that eat plants, so that energy flows into the ecosystem as sunlight ( which animals convert to heat ) and leaves as heat.  Pretty easy to master right ? yeah i think not.