Passion Blog: Reading

Do you know what a good book does to me? I cannot understand how people can roll their eyes at me when I tell them oh yeah I lovee reading about love, mysteries, fantasies JUST GREAT BOOKS ! My favorite book has to be " if I stay" by Gayle Foreman,  Such a good book , i cried my eyes out. Imagine your entire family dying, and you have an out of body experience ... Yikes imagine. But you stay anyways for that one boy that has your heart.
Another book I really like that is so different from my usual taste is "I am the Cheese" by Robert Cormier. That book is about a boy's father who testified against someone very powerful that he went under the witness protection program. But the same people that was guarding his family killed his mom and dad, and the little boy was put in some kind of institution where he had a therapist who kept asking him about some secret his father had known. The therapist was a fraud who acted as if he cared about the little boy's well being but really didn't, and despite being drugged everyday with pills the little boy never told him. I wonder ... why is he the cheese? I forgot. But you guys should really read it.
Have you guys read "The Maze Runner"? Effing AMAZING. I brought the whole sequel, I had to. Such a good book ,ugh. I think you guys are tired of the summaries but let me tell you a book I really hated. "The Perks of being a Wallflower"was effing terrible, only because it was overrated ! The boy was too awkward to comprehend, the people around him, like the girl Sam is weird and her gay brother... No . Like just no. It was too many things happening at once and I felt like the boy never really took control of his settings.... OH That's why he is a wallflower. wow. Goodnight.

Decision

You know what I noticed ? I have never been myself because I lost myself trying to be someone else. Everybody has went through it--what is natural anymore? what is YOU ? what is Original ? what is unique ? what is unconditional ? This begs the question.. why is it better. OK never mind. I don't even know what I was talking about. ugh , I feel like I am going to do so bad in college, like laziness has taken a toll in my life ! I want to make the deans list, I want to be organized, I want to be smart, i want to have so much fun !!!!! learning and doing other stuff. Ugh , I think like that guy in the movie I am going to search for happiness. I find happiness in a certain kind of sadness... like relationships or friendships. I love the hardship that comes with such acquaintances. I don't know I also love t read , I find happiness in that but lately I have been too much on the computer.. would I ever transition to reading on paper than off a of screen in college ? What am I going to do ? What if ... too many what ifs I swear. Okay the reason why I am rambling is because it is 11:46 and its almost june 13, why did I wait so long ? WHY ? oh Hegggy I am going to miss you, darling. " Umooo , you're sooo obnoxiousssss" every single morning ! You are the only teacher , honestly, that has pushed me beyond my limits. I don't think I would ever forget that. Wow , look at you, Heggs ... You made an impact.

Beloved (CRR)

 "And she will be-loved." That was clever don't you think? Anyways, I never thought books a difficult feat to read, no matter how hard. Until, Toni Morrison gave me a run for that money, because BELOVED has to be the worst book I have ever read. I hate superstitions, slavery, southern colloquialism, murder and especially ghosts.  Beloved has all of these elements, so you can the see the issue here.

This is the first book I haven't read in Lit class because I am not comfortable reading such gruesome, explicit details that scares the crap out of me. I did try the book, the first 10 pages,  it is such a dense text that I had to read it twice because most of the words used are not commonly used now.  The book is a walking apostrophe, you'd be reading about Baby Sugg's obsession with color to Sethe rutting the guy who made the hedge stones for Beloved.  The back and forth between past and present is unfamiliar to me  because Morrison doesn't warn you. You 'd be reading along and BOOM she throws it at you and you would not know which time period she 's writing about.

When I read the first page the only compliment I could muster was that Morrison was very intelligent, her sentences were structured so complexly that it became signatured. Meaning that that style of writing felt patented, it belonged to her only. I saw that visibly as I read it because I could not imitate it.

Muse ( SSR )

We are not supposed to talk about the AP Lit exam we took on the 6, however there is this poem that left a mark on me. Many poets never write complaints about their muses, like they'd ususally talk about the good things, how remarkble they are. So anyways this poem stuck to me so I looked it up and I found it.  I am not going to say the name of it, but I will write a line from it that was really cool/
.

"If those paint sorrow best-- who feel it most"
This line is true in so many aspects. This is the last line of the poem, the poet was basically saying that his muse was saddness either from "unhappy love" or "mournful friendships" and they benefit in his poetry because " it decks the head with many a rose," but  because the poet is still upset about the sad things happening in his life the muse " reserves the thorn to fester in the heart".

This is similar to a relationship I was in.  He'd make me happy but sad at the same time, he wasn't a muse nor did he make me want to write poetry. LOL . However, I was able to paint sorrow the best after him and I broke up.

dot dot dot ...

 I don't like to participate  in class because people always take it the wrong way. It's either I am talking too much, contributing too much or being too smart. I am not ashamed to speak up or participate, however, it's like my peers don't want to learn from me. We are in the same class and  apparently that constitutes for aptitude-- so no need for my opinion.  I participate anyway; I do not care what people think because, quite frankly, people do not think.

Every time I try to answer one of their questions or the teacher's question, I notice the familiar look of exasperation. It's so funny because they actually want to know my answer, but they seem tired of the same scene-- them with the questions and I with all the answers. Someone told me, I changed. She said I was more focused on schoolwork and my education in 9th or tenth grade. And now .. not so much. I told her the only thing that changed was my arrogance. I got rid of it. She only knew I was "focused" in school because I used to boast about it.  To anyone reading this, believe me, arrogance, egotism and overconfidence are three deadly diseases and would kill every talent you possess. Do not catch it.

The Heart of D[ifficult]

     
" It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream-- making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which is of the very essence of a dream...." . ( Conrad, Pg 32).
              I thought Pride and Prejudice was a dense book until I read the first page of  "The Heart of Darkness". It's not that the book is boring, I actually find it interesting because Joseph Conrad is a spectacular writer! The quote above is from a page in the Heart of Darkness; that entire quote is basically saying that to tell a dream is a vain attempt because there is no way one can recapture that experience in a few mere words. Conrad says a dream is the incredible because it is a mystery. I believe that is the very essence of  dreams.
         What makes this text difficult to understand is that the reader is focused on word choice rather  than content. I can tell you everything that has passed in the novel, however, a deep analysis? I haven't the chance to think that deep. I have no opinion on Marlow's journey nor any characters, and everything I have conjectured is from the novel itself.  That is the error of most readers. I mean what is the purpose of reading -- if not comprehension?

Matrices ( ID )

           The first time I heard the word matrix was in Bio--"extracellular matrix" which consist of proteoglycan complexes, fibrinogen, collagen, and integrins. So I always thought of a matrix as a mixture but in precalc a matrix is an array of numbers.  So maybe the same way numbers make up a matrix in calculus proteoglycans and other proteins make up the extracellular matrix in biology? Anyways, I learned that I have to do my homework to understand precalc class like if I do not get any practice then I would forget everything the next day. So I experimented with my precalc homework. Class has become considerably easier. I realized many subjects are related and it was a pleasure connecting similarities between my classes.
          Ms. Rios taught my class how to put a system of equations into row echelon forms. This was a challenging practice at first because you were limited to three rules to convert the equation into row echelon form. The most difficult part was that there wasn't a specific way to find the row echelon form, it was up to you to figure it. The exercise was gratifying because I eventually came to the right answer.

DUFF.

Designated. Ugly. Fat. Friend

                             I went to the library this weekend and picked out my usual load of books. One book in particular struck my attention because it's movie was just released. The narrator and I are very similar-- we are both 17 and have two best friends that we both love dearly. Because of this she always go to this teen club with them even though she dislikes the place. One day one of the typical hot guys in the school came up to her and basically told her he was only speaking to her so he could snag one of her girlfriends , He did not want her because she was the duff.  the designated ugly fat friend that their friends only hang out with to look better in front of other guys.

                    It made me wonder between my friends and I who was the DUFF, none of us were ugly or THAT fat so it was pretty confusing trying on the narrator's shoes. And the story took a complete turn because the duff and the leading boy became a couple at the end so maybe he didn't think she was that duff-y. It was pretty cruel of him to call her that in her face and it reminds me of how guys take advantage of females today. They would play games just to have sex. And everyone is so hung up on  looks they don't give personality a chance.  As a result , when the leading guy in the book and the narrator got together and interacted more and started to get to know each other they developed feelings. I finished the book and left with a satisfied mindset --looks are not everything, Do not try to change yourself for anyone because if you then they do not like you they like how you look.

time . time. time. time. time

There is alot of uncertantiy and restlessness happening at the same time. I want to fix everything , like literalllllllllllly fix everything mentally , emotionally ...physically . I think you guys think I am nuts but don't you ever feel like there is no break . ever ? When the hell is school going to end ? Why do I have to spend the majority of my life in school ? When I was 16 , I used to watch like adults go to work and I 'd pity them because you know they arent in highschool where everything is fun and allows room for mistake.  I Have never despised school in my life , I have been absent only once in my 11 years of  stay in America. I appreciated the art of learning not just from books but from conversations with friends , family and strangers.  In my life reading has had a big impact-- I am a mosaic of "most" of my favorite characters.  Reading was my stress reliever,  you know, that friend that turns that frown upside down.  But it is like "Time is making a fool of us" (Dumbledore said this ) and I cannot allocate a time or a place where I can just go to that happy place where i can just lose all my problems and instead face someone else's--with the understanding that there is an happy ending.

ID ( Governmennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt )

          Domo was grading the Finals and said that in the multiple choice questions I scored like a 90 or something. To be honest, I did not study for that final and I depended on my common sense to choose the best answer. Anyway in class to prepare for this final we made game boards with many questions concerning every topic we have covered in class. I think this is what saved everyone it was the a " new " and fun way to study! Some of the questions asked in our board game were on the test and it was like playing the game all over again.  So I Guess you can say the test was fun. haha. That was a joke. You know because tests arent fun. Anyways some things I learned from the board game was that to elect a president the people are voting for the electoral votes because those votes actually determine the presidency. I learned that one does not need the majority popular vote win either if you have more electoral votes then you can become president . Makes you think then what is the point of  people voting ? We studied the important docuements that served as the foundation of this great nation,  The declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and The U.S Constitution.  We learned about Enlightenment thinkers , such as John Locke , Thomas Hobbes and Volatire. it was preceisly their "thoughts" that are printed and used as guideline for every citizen  in the U.S.

CRR ( Feminism )

                    When I was in 10th or 11th grade, Jaylene wanted to make a feminist club however I turned it down because my idea of feminists back then were that they were vain and unappealing. Most of the feminists I have heard of were so dramatic-- like during the suffrage movement some women were martyrs for the cause. Their methods to achieve equality for the sexes were extreme and ineffective in recruiting sympathizers.
 My perception of them changed after reading Shakespeare's " The Taming of the Shrew"  Baptista literally sold his daughters off to their husbands. Katharina was the character that gave me an insight of the unfairness happening during her time.  She rebelled against being sanctioned off for marriage, she was outspoken when she felt she was not being treated fairly and this cost her to be labeled as a shrew.  Many of Shakespeare's characters behaved like Bianca so I inferred that most women at that time were content with a male dominating society. Turns out feminism ran deep and dated back to Shakespeares time! The last factor that cleared the negative image of feminism was Petruchio's "taming" of Katharina. His behavior was worse than hers and he acted out every chance he got. However, society did not label him a shrew or make him notorious because of his behavior like they did to Katharine. This subtle gesture highlighted the unfairness between the sexes and kind of changed my mind perception of feminists.