Passion Blog: Reading

Do you know what a good book does to me? I cannot understand how people can roll their eyes at me when I tell them oh yeah I lovee reading about love, mysteries, fantasies JUST GREAT BOOKS ! My favorite book has to be " if I stay" by Gayle Foreman,  Such a good book , i cried my eyes out. Imagine your entire family dying, and you have an out of body experience ... Yikes imagine. But you stay anyways for that one boy that has your heart.
Another book I really like that is so different from my usual taste is "I am the Cheese" by Robert Cormier. That book is about a boy's father who testified against someone very powerful that he went under the witness protection program. But the same people that was guarding his family killed his mom and dad, and the little boy was put in some kind of institution where he had a therapist who kept asking him about some secret his father had known. The therapist was a fraud who acted as if he cared about the little boy's well being but really didn't, and despite being drugged everyday with pills the little boy never told him. I wonder ... why is he the cheese? I forgot. But you guys should really read it.
Have you guys read "The Maze Runner"? Effing AMAZING. I brought the whole sequel, I had to. Such a good book ,ugh. I think you guys are tired of the summaries but let me tell you a book I really hated. "The Perks of being a Wallflower"was effing terrible, only because it was overrated ! The boy was too awkward to comprehend, the people around him, like the girl Sam is weird and her gay brother... No . Like just no. It was too many things happening at once and I felt like the boy never really took control of his settings.... OH That's why he is a wallflower. wow. Goodnight.

Decision

You know what I noticed ? I have never been myself because I lost myself trying to be someone else. Everybody has went through it--what is natural anymore? what is YOU ? what is Original ? what is unique ? what is unconditional ? This begs the question.. why is it better. OK never mind. I don't even know what I was talking about. ugh , I feel like I am going to do so bad in college, like laziness has taken a toll in my life ! I want to make the deans list, I want to be organized, I want to be smart, i want to have so much fun !!!!! learning and doing other stuff. Ugh , I think like that guy in the movie I am going to search for happiness. I find happiness in a certain kind of sadness... like relationships or friendships. I love the hardship that comes with such acquaintances. I don't know I also love t read , I find happiness in that but lately I have been too much on the computer.. would I ever transition to reading on paper than off a of screen in college ? What am I going to do ? What if ... too many what ifs I swear. Okay the reason why I am rambling is because it is 11:46 and its almost june 13, why did I wait so long ? WHY ? oh Hegggy I am going to miss you, darling. " Umooo , you're sooo obnoxiousssss" every single morning ! You are the only teacher , honestly, that has pushed me beyond my limits. I don't think I would ever forget that. Wow , look at you, Heggs ... You made an impact.

Beloved (CRR)

 "And she will be-loved." That was clever don't you think? Anyways, I never thought books a difficult feat to read, no matter how hard. Until, Toni Morrison gave me a run for that money, because BELOVED has to be the worst book I have ever read. I hate superstitions, slavery, southern colloquialism, murder and especially ghosts.  Beloved has all of these elements, so you can the see the issue here.

This is the first book I haven't read in Lit class because I am not comfortable reading such gruesome, explicit details that scares the crap out of me. I did try the book, the first 10 pages,  it is such a dense text that I had to read it twice because most of the words used are not commonly used now.  The book is a walking apostrophe, you'd be reading about Baby Sugg's obsession with color to Sethe rutting the guy who made the hedge stones for Beloved.  The back and forth between past and present is unfamiliar to me  because Morrison doesn't warn you. You 'd be reading along and BOOM she throws it at you and you would not know which time period she 's writing about.

When I read the first page the only compliment I could muster was that Morrison was very intelligent, her sentences were structured so complexly that it became signatured. Meaning that that style of writing felt patented, it belonged to her only. I saw that visibly as I read it because I could not imitate it.

Muse ( SSR )

We are not supposed to talk about the AP Lit exam we took on the 6, however there is this poem that left a mark on me. Many poets never write complaints about their muses, like they'd ususally talk about the good things, how remarkble they are. So anyways this poem stuck to me so I looked it up and I found it.  I am not going to say the name of it, but I will write a line from it that was really cool/
.

"If those paint sorrow best-- who feel it most"
This line is true in so many aspects. This is the last line of the poem, the poet was basically saying that his muse was saddness either from "unhappy love" or "mournful friendships" and they benefit in his poetry because " it decks the head with many a rose," but  because the poet is still upset about the sad things happening in his life the muse " reserves the thorn to fester in the heart".

This is similar to a relationship I was in.  He'd make me happy but sad at the same time, he wasn't a muse nor did he make me want to write poetry. LOL . However, I was able to paint sorrow the best after him and I broke up.

dot dot dot ...

 I don't like to participate  in class because people always take it the wrong way. It's either I am talking too much, contributing too much or being too smart. I am not ashamed to speak up or participate, however, it's like my peers don't want to learn from me. We are in the same class and  apparently that constitutes for aptitude-- so no need for my opinion.  I participate anyway; I do not care what people think because, quite frankly, people do not think.

Every time I try to answer one of their questions or the teacher's question, I notice the familiar look of exasperation. It's so funny because they actually want to know my answer, but they seem tired of the same scene-- them with the questions and I with all the answers. Someone told me, I changed. She said I was more focused on schoolwork and my education in 9th or tenth grade. And now .. not so much. I told her the only thing that changed was my arrogance. I got rid of it. She only knew I was "focused" in school because I used to boast about it.  To anyone reading this, believe me, arrogance, egotism and overconfidence are three deadly diseases and would kill every talent you possess. Do not catch it.

The Heart of D[ifficult]

     
" It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream-- making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor of struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which is of the very essence of a dream...." . ( Conrad, Pg 32).
              I thought Pride and Prejudice was a dense book until I read the first page of  "The Heart of Darkness". It's not that the book is boring, I actually find it interesting because Joseph Conrad is a spectacular writer! The quote above is from a page in the Heart of Darkness; that entire quote is basically saying that to tell a dream is a vain attempt because there is no way one can recapture that experience in a few mere words. Conrad says a dream is the incredible because it is a mystery. I believe that is the very essence of  dreams.
         What makes this text difficult to understand is that the reader is focused on word choice rather  than content. I can tell you everything that has passed in the novel, however, a deep analysis? I haven't the chance to think that deep. I have no opinion on Marlow's journey nor any characters, and everything I have conjectured is from the novel itself.  That is the error of most readers. I mean what is the purpose of reading -- if not comprehension?

Matrices ( ID )

           The first time I heard the word matrix was in Bio--"extracellular matrix" which consist of proteoglycan complexes, fibrinogen, collagen, and integrins. So I always thought of a matrix as a mixture but in precalc a matrix is an array of numbers.  So maybe the same way numbers make up a matrix in calculus proteoglycans and other proteins make up the extracellular matrix in biology? Anyways, I learned that I have to do my homework to understand precalc class like if I do not get any practice then I would forget everything the next day. So I experimented with my precalc homework. Class has become considerably easier. I realized many subjects are related and it was a pleasure connecting similarities between my classes.
          Ms. Rios taught my class how to put a system of equations into row echelon forms. This was a challenging practice at first because you were limited to three rules to convert the equation into row echelon form. The most difficult part was that there wasn't a specific way to find the row echelon form, it was up to you to figure it. The exercise was gratifying because I eventually came to the right answer.